Because we had gone through an extensive orientation with our Interstudy program, we were told that the UCT (University of Cape Town) orientation activities were optional. So today we decided to skip out on the tedious meetings that only reiterated information that we have already been given. Instead, we opted for a relaxing day without traveling to the beach or dealing with the hassle of getting downtown and back. A few friends and I used the morning time to go grocery shopping and get some of the essentials for our kitchen. For me essentials are not too tricky. All I need are my avocados and some pasta. But what good is a plate of pasta without a delicious sauce to really satisfy the taste buds? That is where I came into some trouble. No, the supermarket unfortunately did not have my absolute favorite vodka sauce, or even my backup fra diavolo, but I was eventually able to come up with some sort of sundried tomato sauce after searching through three different stores. After buying a couple more staple items, we were finished with our shopping and allowed to move on to more interesting, less money wasting things.
Late in the afternoon we decided to actually attend one of the events listed on the orientation schedule: the drum workshop. Not really knowing what to expect, we came into the main hall of the student center with an open mind and our hands ready to play. One hour later, we found ourselves transformed from drummer novices into people who might actually be paid to play at a local theater. Well that’s a bit of an exaggeration but we did become quite comfortable playing the African drum as we practiced playing in all sorts of forms. Whether it was mixing up different beats, memorizing a whole set, or even adding in snaps and claps to add a little extra, we were able to find ways to make it work. While I am now somewhat confident in my drumming abilities, I have to be honest, I do not think that I am cut out for the job because after a mere hour of playing, my hands have already shown signs of blisters. So props to all of you budding musicians out there, I don’t know how you do it.
After a wonderful reception with all sorts of appetizers and fancy desserts (which I ate a few too many of), we headed back to our apartment for an unexpected hang out with our residence staff. Charles and Gee live across the street from my flat and are students in their early twenties, just like us. The only differences between them and us are that they were raised in Africa, are faculty of the program, and happen to be a few shades darker than most…but that’s all. Anyway, we have been spending a lot of time with these two men as they have taken us on tours, joined us at dinner, and gone out with us at night. However tonight we got to see a different side of them. Somehow when we were all just hanging out in the living room, conversation about marriage in Africa came about. Now I have heard stories and seen movies that have talked about marital exchanges between the families of the two spouses, or certain traditions that are involved in the process of getting married, but I have never really known what is true and what is more of a myth.
After speaking to Charles and Gee, I learned a lot about the African culture that really surprised me and gave me a deeper understanding about both what traditions are maintained and why the people of Africa hold on to these customs so tightly. For instance, if a man and woman want to marry, the woman must take the man to her home to have him introduced to her family. During this visit, the man must pay to not only come to the woman’s home but also to talk to each and every family member. Depending on the village, the man might have to pay at each door he steps through or several times throughout one conversation. Another tradition holds that once the decision of marriage has been made, there is a process that lasts a few days in which the man proves himself to be a real man and the woman proves herself to be a worthy woman. In essence, the two are tested to make sure that they “fit the bill” and will make a suitable spouse for their partner.
In order to prove himself appropriate, the man must hunt and have to kill to show that he can provide for the family. Also, the family of the woman always asks for a certain number of cows (which are worth about 5,000 rand each) from the man in order for the marital process to continue. The man must herd whatever number the family requests, or come up with the equivalent money value, and bring it to the woman’s home. Another component to the cow stage is that the man must take an axe to the head of one cow, killing it, and using it as meat for the bride’s family. As a bit of a side note, a similar procedure occurs when a woman gets pregnant when a man has to return his wife to her family for the last month of her pregnancy, only the cow is replaced with a goat for the family to eat. As for the number of cows before marriage, it can vary immensely based on the woman’s education level, occupation, or whether or not she is a virgin. Charles made note that virgins are worth at least 100 cows based on that fact alone.
The women also have to go through a series of tests to prove that they are worthy of being a supportive, functioning wife. Of course her tasks are not as brutal as those of her partner, but she must demonstrate that she could cook and clean as you know, any reasonably good woman should (with the exception of my mother..Dad, you should have run some tests). While I more or less expected these types of tests, there was one that left me a bit surprised and confused. We were told that at one point during the few day period, the woman would have to sit down with all of the men in the man’s family and learn each of their names. She would have a talk with each one and do some sort of kneeling while clapping to show a sign of respect. Then, at the end of the meal she would have to prove that she could remember each man or else she could not move forward with the wedding.
All of these rules and customs seem so crazy to me. It’s incredible the amount of time and money that go into fulfilling this strict guidelines just to get married. What I found most interesting was that while explaining all of these traditions, Charles and Gee were chuckling and making fun of all of the crazy things people have to go through in order to be married. However, when I asked them whether or not they were going to carry on the tradition and later pass them along to their own children, they said of course. They explained how important it is to take something that has been a part of their culture, a part of their family, for so long and allow it to sustain its values over the course of time. While the reasoning behind the traditions might have changed from generation to generation, it is important for them to have respect for what these customs mean to their people and make sure that they are carried on to the generations of people to come. I really enjoyed having this time to talk to local people about their own culture. It is one thing to learn about a given group of people through books or movies, but it can really sink in when you are witnessing it first hand and hearing it “from the horse’s mouth” so to speak. It’s a bit funny that sometimes you find the most valuable experiences when you least expect it. No I didn’t climb any mountains or visit any beaches, but today I was allowed to see an entirely different side of Africa from a friendly source.
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